The Growing of Fruit

张学友 - 我真的受伤了

2009-07-23T12:46:00.001+08:00

窗外阴天了音乐低声了
我的心开始想你了
灯光也暗了音乐低声了
口中的棉花糖也融化了
窗外阴天了人是无聊了
我的心开始想你了
电话响起了你要说话了
还以为你心里对我又想念了
怎么你声音变得冷淡了
是你变了是你变了
灯光熄灭了音乐静止了
滴下的眼泪已停不住了
天下起雨了人是不快乐
我的心真的受伤了
电话响起了你要说话了
还以为你心里对我又想念了
怎么你声音变得冷淡了
是你变了是你变了
灯光熄灭了音乐静止了
滴下的眼泪已停不住了
天下起雨了人是不快乐
我的心真的受伤了
我的心真的受伤了

最特别的存在

2009-07-03T01:02:00.000+08:00

天很蓝　风吹着白衬衫

快乐也像涨满风的帆Oh

抱着你　感觉那么自然

不必客气你随时可以去依赖

爱上谁　不是一种交换

我心甘情愿这样守护你

你不用还

最特别的存在

你值得我等待

一颗心就这样被你

一点一点佔满

爱这个字说了就不会改

不会有谁可以取代

最特别的存在

你让我走不开

幸福就算需要时间

也是理所当然

像这样　靠着我

不管你明白不明白

我已确定了答案

天很蓝　风吹着白衬衫

快乐也像涨满风的帆Oh

抱着你　感觉那么自然

不必客气你随时可以去依赖

爱上谁　不是一种交换

我心甘情愿这样守护你

你不用还

最特别的存在

你值得我等待

一颗心就这样被你

一点一点佔满

爱这个字说了就不会改

不会有谁可以取代

最特别的存在

你让我走不开

幸福就算需要时间

也是理所当然

像这样　靠着我

不管你明白不明白

我已确定了答案

最特别的存在

你值得我等待

一颗心就这样被你

一点一点佔满

爱这个字说了就不会改

不会有谁可以取代

最特别的存在

你让我走不开

幸福就算需要时间

也是理所当然

像这样　靠着我

不管你明白不明白

我已确定了答案

最特别的存在

2009-05-30T00:04:00.001+08:00

hello

Apologies

2008-08-10T00:38:00.003+08:00

I did intended to write but there are things that is difficult to be put into words. Nevertheless, I will continue after my exams. Thanks for your concern Wanni.

Don't Quit

2008-07-06T23:41:00.004+08:00

When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill.
When funds are low and the debts are high.
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns.
As everyone of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out:

Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you must not QUIT.

Past 3 Weeks

2008-06-29T22:20:00.003+08:00

It is not forgotten and neither has it been forsaken.
Episodes happened and emotions stirred.
The childlike faith fades off as doubts set in.
Fruits began to rot and flowers starts to wither.
How true it is to say that nothing but One last forever.

The fall of Man was evident in Genesis just as how Job was tested.
Repentance comes with salvation.
But suffering of sins is still inevitable.
Only through Your grace where I hope he will be defeated.
How true it is to say that nothing is impossible with You.

Life seems like drawing without an eraser.
What's been done cannot be undone and vice versa.
Racing with the time is no joke but quitters are only for losers.
Compartmentalization is something to acquire in times of jealousy, anger, etc.
How true it is to say that nothing can be compared to what You can give.

The future is unpredictable just as how we are now.
Live for today and plan for tomorrow shall be my resolution as per today.
Wisdom shall be my request in prayers to understand certain issues.
Forever in You shall be my desires till the day I am renewed.
I hope to say in future that how true it is to say that nothing will not be given when Your kingdom and righteousness are being seek first.

Reflections

2008-06-06T20:31:00.003+08:00

Holiday is here. I went to Pasir Ris park to help out for the event we are planning on Monday. Throughout the whole process, I observed a lot. I kind of diagnosed myself with ADHD at times. I can be hyperactive for a certain period of time but once my energy depletes, I will just go into a regression state. Anyway, it is also when I mostly see a lot of how people are in a setting. From the trip, I also concluded there is no strawberry pocky in Pasir Ris park as I could only find Mars bar and chocolate "biscuit" (forgot the name of the biscuit) after a long search. I was almost desperate to ask for some food from the BBQers around. To think of it now, it is hilarious. I went back with a dizzy spell and it is so terrible I could faint. Due to this, I did not eat dinner as well and I guess I should be building castles in the air soon. Nevertheless, credits and utmost praises to the Almighty God who helped me through this half semester. More commitments, more burdens, more stretching, but at the same time, more grace from You. I thank You for being in my life to mould and grow me. And I pray that everything will be in Your plans. I want to make full use of the 2 weeks I have now. A lot to do and revise. I hope to be ready when the battle commences again. Till then, I shall seek You to have my rest.

You

2008-06-05T07:16:00.002+08:00

When someone makes an mistake, there is no way that one can turn the clock back. Life is like drawing without an eraser. Therefore, I think we should not look back to the choices we had made but rather move on. As you look back, you might regret for that action and dwell in it. I pray things are going to get better. Look for where the true strength lies.

AA

2008-06-04T23:09:00.000+08:00

I went in dumbfounded. Could not say much initially. I was only able to say some things after awhile. I was shocked at what was expected. I had already tried my best and shall leave the rest to You. But thanks for sending help to me. Thanks for calming the panicky me down and get me orientated to complete the whole thing in confidence.

A Smile On My Face

2008-06-03T18:13:00.001+08:00

Sick

2008-06-02T23:05:00.001+08:00

I am sick. Very sick.

Sentosa - Challenge Your Limits

2008-06-01T23:59:00.003+08:00

It was a fun day at night at Sentosa. Did my QT by the beach while praying for rain to stop. The night before was indeed hectic. Tried to build raft for my station using manila ropes. And in the end, both my hands were rope-burnt. But when I saw how excited the participants were, I felt my pain was nothing. I am red as lobster after a long day in the sun. Aching all over and feeling rather sick so I decided to cab home. I realised today that whenever I am feeling fatigue, I tend to have symptoms of autism. Anyway, it was through Your grace that the event was a success. And just a gentle reminder not to slap me these few days. My skin hurts.

The Community

2008-05-31T12:13:00.003+08:00

I happened to speak to Andrew yesterday and learnt a lot from him. Opinions and views from different people and perspective is really unique. While rushing through CYL preparation the whole night, I see how united the team of willing friends I was with. I got to know them better and I guess it should be the same for them as well. I see Your true community when I immerse myself in it. I thank God for everyone. Bless me with wisdom for the upcoming changes I am going to see. Thanks for sharing your burden with me, Shepherd.

Transition

2008-05-30T16:40:00.001+08:00

If it were to be in the plan, I would really want it to go in this way. I am hoping yet I do not dare to expect. I felt myself changing. Was it You? I have no doubt I guess. When I am faced with dissatisfaction or disappointment recently, it did not cling on to me as how it was in the past. I did not even feel the transition at times. I felt You in me. And I am thinking what should I get for my godson/daughter who is going to see me in October. She really shocked me but I am happy for her.

Once In A Blue Evening

2008-05-29T18:26:00.000+08:00

I am not sure when is the last time I am so early at home. It really feels so good. I have not been having dinner with my parents for a long time due to my commitments outside. I am now looking forward to them coming home and have dinner with me. I am not sure how many will understand my schedule. It is really once in a blue moon I can see daylight at home. I could not believe my eyelids can just relax within seconds. But I like today. I like being at home for dinner. I like having dinner with my parents. They should be home soon. All I need is a 'jiayou' now.

Fruit Of Spirit

2008-05-28T00:22:00.003+08:00

I want to take this time to thank You for being in my life. Taking care of me and blessing me. I know You have treated me very well even though I might have quarrelled with You over some of my selfish desires at time. Guiding me back to the right path, setting my goals right. I pray for every step to be in Your plans and that I will be able to fulfil Your vision. Though minute might noticed the exact feeling, but it was overcame quickly. It was just my selfish thought and thank You for controlling every single part of my life. I need to be in the plans. Thanks for giving me what I can take.

Wedding

2008-05-27T23:53:00.002+08:00

It was a hectic morning. I woke up late and had a bad stomachache. By the time I was out of house, I was perspiring all over. I reached there only to find that the groom and best man was not there yet. But everything went on well after that as we chatted. I found out your decision in the marriage and the struggles you are facing. I understand you so well that is why I gave you certain advice. And all I can promise you is that I am just eight numbers away from you. I wish you all the best.

A wonderful night - Soiree

2008-05-26T23:49:00.002+08:00

Questions

2008-05-25T19:19:00.003+08:00

I saw you in school. Something which I will never expect it to happened. You called me and I ran. When I finally stopped, you disappeared. Scenes in the past re-enacted. I had this dream 2 times in a day. It came to me quite some time back but today, it actually made my heart stirred. Extreme sadness welled in me that I could not shake off. Oh God, why do I have this dream? What do You want to say?

My 'Sis'

2008-05-24T23:59:00.003+08:00

Someone who is very close to me got married today. The best wedding gift I could give her is to be her emcee for her wedding. As I saw her walked in, it brought me back to the days where she and I used to talk over the phone about our problems in life. Now, she is married and I can let go a promise that I had given to her. There is a sense of emptiness in me as I know that in future, I will not be able to call her as freely to cry my heart to. But still, I am really happy for her. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. I saw this quote and I felt it was meaning; you do not marry someone you can live with but rather you marry someone you can't live without.

My Voice

2008-05-23T23:50:00.002+08:00

Future OTs We've pledged to be
With goals to help to community
I really wonder if we'll ever be
Considering that we're so naughty

There crazy plans that we always make
Never seems to impress anyone
Finding faults in our own mistakes
Learning it that way seems much more fun

Watching, learning, trying to find some meaning
Caring, helping makes it so fulfilling
Watching, learning trying to find some meaning
Slowly, surely, some day we'll be ready

PBL makes me stay up late
Mobility definitely lays my fate
BSM makes my heart palpate
Behavioural MOD tries to change the things I hate

Sorry to say but physio makes me sleep
So deep I didn't feel my handphone beep
But I have friends to keep me awake
Reminding me that my grades all are at stake

Watching, learning, trying to find some meaning
Caring, helping makes it so fulfilling
Watching, learning trying to find some meaning
Slowly, surely, some day we'll be ready

Seaun paul is here to sing for you theis song
Now everybody try to singalong, clap along
Ya'll listen to these words that's coming from ma tongue
Its something you can relate to and laugh along ya'll

After JC I join occupational therapy
I 've been looked down by everybody
They ask me why I didn't go to the uni
They judge me as someone who can't make it

I didn't care I proceed to poly
And as days pass I feel much more happy
As what I l;earn gave me so much meaning
Give me the drive to carry on my learning

Whenever you feel stressed and feeling down
Recall what seaun paul's gonna tell you now
This is my hauna matata remix
Come on now everybody sing it with me

Shee pap pee dopp..
Pee doobie wan too..

Watching, learning, trying to find some meaning
Caring, helping makes it so fulfilling
Watching, learning trying to find some meaning
Slowly, surely, some day we'll be ready

Mistake

2008-05-22T23:15:00.002+08:00

I made a mistake. I really did not mean it. Sorry.

A Conversation

2008-05-21T23:57:00.003+08:00

It has been days since I had a long chat with my shepherd. It was kind of refreshing as we talked about some fundamentals and definitely, what more can we do? But most importantly, he reminded me that complacency is fatal and I should always watch out for that. We also chatted about how I started and many other things that had happened. It really showed me how my walk with God has gradually increased over time. CYL is coming soon and I can feel the tiredness running in my veins. God..

Just another day

2008-05-20T22:20:00.002+08:00

I feel weird today. Somehow today seemed so aimless. Something is wrong. Perhaps I am not on track.

A day

2008-05-19T22:57:00.003+08:00

It was a great day today. It is a long time my clique went out for an outing. I kind of reminded me of our first trip to Kbox. Throughout this one year, a lot happened. Joy, fun, quarrels and many other things happened. But I guess it is all a growing process. The laughter that we had today if the fruit of what we sowed. Suddenly thought of my sb and wondered when will he be back. And I truly pray that whatever I am doing is in Your plan.

Challenge Your Limits

2008-05-18T21:39:00.004+08:00

I had a fun day at Sentosa and East Coast Park for the Challenge Your Limits 2 game preparation. I see how people can work together and how You can mix people of different institution and background together and work as one. Before we set off, I did not even know their names. Though we are still not close right now, I can say we definitely got to know each other better. I foresee my commitments and schedule but I am willing to try. Recently, I am also better aware of people's sinful nature. I am not judging but rather, I am just wondering if am I of no difference from them?

So then, my brothers, when you come together to eat, wait for each other. If anyone is hungry, he should eat at home, so that when you meet together it may not result in judgment.

1 Cor 11:33-34

The chair

2008-05-17T13:04:00.002+08:00

Though I feel awkward to be in this position, I like how I am structured.

No matter what happenns, I will hold you tight in my arms.

You will never felt uncomfortable with me around,

Because I just know what you need.

I will make your darkest night bright, your lonliest day occupied.

I will share your tiredness with you and take your burden away.

I promise I will be there for you even if you don't need me.

So when you come...

You will find me...

The call

2008-05-16T07:22:00.002+08:00

I received a call while I accidentally fell asleep last night. It was a call that calmed me so much. Simple words yet important to me. I was having a nightmare about someone. Disagreement to quarrel to fight. Even till now, I am so afraid I could not distinguish reality from dreams. Seldom do I have dreams of such. But I really do need the wisdom from You, to make an important decision. I only realised I have lost my focus when I am not feeling happy when things of such are happening. The only thing that made me better is You and the call.

Words

2008-05-15T21:03:00.001+08:00

A SMS that informed your departure

is a moment that revealed my fear

I never knew our friendship could true

Until the phone call went through

Though it is a short moment of separation

I will definitely miss your encouragement

I am looking forward to your return

Where the four of us can reunion

I am sorry for my forgetfulness

About the pool that was not in fullness

I should have left the project in wilderness

And join the game immerse

Nothing can describe what I feel

And the feelings I have to deal

Decision

2008-05-14T22:40:00.000+08:00

A thought that came into my mind surfaced again today.

You

2008-05-13T22:09:00.002+08:00

Thanks for being with me

whether in light or darkness.

Thanks for being with me

whenever I am feeling low.

Thanks for being with me

in times of troubles and worry.

Thanks for being with me

throughout my struggles and pain.

Thanks for being with me

comforting my hurts and soul.

But most importantly,

Thanks for being here with to me

to share my joy and happiness after everything.

Thank You

Therapeutic Recreation

2008-05-12T21:39:00.003+08:00

Jokes can help heal. Use these and other jokes to bring smiles to the staff and patients/residents you work with.

What did God say to the man on the moon? Kneel Armstrong! (a.k.a. ""Neil Armstrong!)

Where did the little king keep his armies? Up his sleevies!

Why don't ducks carry spare change? They all have "bills".

Why did the one handed man cross the road?? ANSWER: cause the second hand store was across the street.

Why did the turtle cross the street? ANSWER: To get to the Shell station!!

A sandwich and a banana walk into a bar. They go up to the bartender and say, "Bartender, get us each a beer!" The bartender turns to them and says, "Sorry, but we don't serve food here."

Why is a bad joke like a poor pencil? Because it has no point.

What do you feed an invisible cat? Evaporated milk

Where do baby cows eat? The calf-eteria

What is it called when a person sings in the shower? Answer: A SOAP OPERA!!!

Your Glory

2008-05-11T13:18:00.003+08:00

Yesterday is History

Tomorrow is Mystery

Today is a Gift

That's why we call it the Present.

Next week will be very hectic for me. My schedule has been packed from morning as early as 8am to at least 9pm everyday even on Sunday. But at least Sunday is a Sentosa trip for Challenge Your Limits 2! I will be tired but I know rest will be given and I will live my life for Your Glory. I am hoping that my cactus will grow for another 10 cm tomorrow.

Unconditioned Love

2008-05-10T23:49:00.004+08:00

He will brew medicine for me every weekend without fail. He will make sure that my bottle is filled every morning. He will make sure I eat my fruit when I reach home everyday.

She will wake me up everyday no matter rain or shine. She will make sure I have my breakfast even though I might not want it at times. She will even wear my shoe for me.

They took care of me for decades. They did not even ask me how I am going to repay them. Even if I am not in a good mood, they will always seem to understand me. I am placed before them.

Sorry for everything I have hurt you before or taken for granted. Thanks for everything you have been doing for me in secret. I want to treat both of you even better from now on. Everyday will be a special day and I really want to repay your love with me as a present.

After Four Weeks

2008-05-09T22:00:00.003+08:00

Time literally flew in a way that I did not realised that four weeks had passed. Cannot imagine how this four weeks passed. Fruitful yet exhausting. Lessons from morning to evening with an hour lunch break. Discussion for projects after class not forgetting revision which can only start when the moon is high up in the sky. Time management and perseverance is the key to everything I guess. Your grace is really on me because I can feel it. I had a case study discussion earlier on and it was a total chaos. Everyone was shouting and screaming when debating about their reasoning. No hard feelings towards anyone throughout the discussion but kind of hilarious with regards to our process. I wondered if that is the reason why a discussion room is needed for the twelve of us. Anyway, we had fun and managed to come out with something.

Yay!

2008-05-08T21:17:00.002+08:00

My cactus grew taller. In order for it to grow faster, I watered it even more! Hopefully it will grow even faster. (I know it does not work this way and cactus does not need so much water. Anyway I was just excited.) I want to be like my cactus. I will not fall or collapse before my cactus does. It will grow together with me through this journey of growth. I will (try) sleep earlier from now on.

Someone I Met

2008-05-07T23:52:00.002+08:00

I told myself not to cry but my tears betrayed me. They just managed to find their way out of my eyes. I remembered the days when I shared the Word with you and discuss about them. The placement we once went. All these can only dwell in memories now. However, I will still continue to pray for you and I really see Him in you. Tears shall mark our temporary farewell and prayer shall denote reunion. I know the day will come. If not, I will meet you There again. Goodbye.

Flowery Pot

2008-05-06T20:56:00.004+08:00

I started growing a pot of cactus and mother of thousand in the garden today. And guess tomorrow I will have to clean the pump for the fishes again as fungus started to invade the nice little habitat that the fishes were in. I wish to be living in a peaceful world like the fishes. I am getting tired again I guess. Is the quote "change the world" by Evan in Evan Almighty a principle we should follow? I am confused I guess. Even in light, there is always a part that is covered by the shadow which is dark. I need to reconsider.

Lightning events

2008-05-05T22:26:00.006+08:00

I really cannot help it this time round. First was sb, then is someone whom I had worked closely with. Now, it is someone whom I have respected. Who is next? I am afraid it might be me. Not because others leave but for some reasons. I fear rejection. I fear separation. Throughout this period of time, I have realised tears is the best way to clear negative emotions. What else can I do? I need some time to get over. Nevertheless, I will wish her all the best. Your power is made perfect in my weakness. Your Grace is sufficient enough. I trust the words and hopefully it works.

Undeserved Love

2008-05-04T11:47:00.003+08:00

I really do not deserve everything. You have been so nice to me despite all the things I have done. You were discredited by me but forgiveness was my retribution. You sacrificed for me without asking what I can do in return. You taught me, comfort me and is always there for me whenever needed. Oh God, it is really too sufficient for me. No matter how I explain, only I will know it best with regards to what happened between us. Relationships and feelings are weird things. What can I do to return this love of mine back? I just want us to be together forever and ever.

Morning

2008-05-03T23:07:00.002+08:00

I got a lot of SMS and miss call since morning. But I just could not crawl out of my bed due to the excruciating pain on my back. As for last night, I was trapped in the lift at midnight. I tried to call out using hand phone but no one answered. At that time, I felt so frightened as the door of the lift has no windows. Traumatised for the event but happy for the quality time spent earlier on. Thanks.

Water Polo

2008-05-02T19:28:00.002+08:00

I played badminton followed by basketball then swimming for three hours straight. Really feel like a sports school. Anyway while I was swimming, I remembered the days of my water polo trainings where I was training with the Gurkha's. Tiring yet fruitful. I can never swim past them as they are really too fast. As for now, I am making sure that my strokes are still graceful yet forceful. I also saw many bus going past just now. And to my surprise, I saw a very 'old school' bus going past. Roamed around the school and then went home.

Range of motion

2008-05-01T13:10:00.002+08:00

The moment I woke up this morning, I felt stiffness in my neck. It was then I realised I had slept for a fair amount of hours since the start of the semester. Flexion of the neck should be up to a right angle but I guess I can only stretch up to 45degree I guess. I received a letter yesterday. Excitement is running in me now but there is always a pinch of disaappointment that I would fear. I want to give it a try but I am afraid of failure.

Life made simple

2008-04-30T00:43:00.002+08:00

I just finished the last episode on this drama. Only one word can describe my feelings now; touched. Anyway, I had having art as therapy for today's lesson. When being asked to draw a picture that signifies love, I drew a heart with many colours mixed together. Red represent the affection; black represents the hatred/ dispute; blue represents the moody times/ jealousy; pink represents the romantic times/ happiness; and yellow represents the commitment/ higher level of understanding towards each other (success). And all these bounded by a red outline of a heart shape. Nostalgia. I want to make the outline complete.

Ben & Jerry

2008-04-29T21:38:00.002+08:00

I remembered it was one of the vivid memory I had last year. I guess it will be the same this year. Likewise, I had my favourite flavour. Anyway, I ran in the morning, swam in the afternoon. I feel like being in a sports school. But I really feel good working out regularly. It would not make me feel mentally drained easily. I also feel very comfortable being in the water because I feel like a fish.

Swimming

2008-04-28T22:50:00.002+08:00

It was really nice to be back to the swimming pool again. My butterfly stroke has somehow devolved back to a worm stroke. But still, I managed to complete what I am supposed to do. I need to do something about my timing. If not, I think I will have to throw my swimming certificate. Anyway, no more honeymoon as from now. Everything has just started.

Teardrops on my guitar

2008-04-27T00:38:00.002+08:00

It is really teardrops on my guitar this time round. Someone accidentally bumped into my guitar just now and I guessed it hit the chair quite badly. I had just realised it when I wanted to play my guitar. I figured out that the bridge that supported the string is damage. I really pray that it can be repaired and it will not cost me a bomb. Guitar has been my life for quite some time and now my life is gone. My poor guitar. Anyway, I still feel happy. Though I stayed at HY's void deck for quite some time, I managed to spend some quality time.

Sleeping Posture

2008-04-26T14:30:00.003+08:00

During my mobility class on Thursday, my lecturer casually asked the class this. "I don't think anyone who sleeps in a supine position right?" I expected someone to give a positive response because I do. I would sleep in a supine position with my hands by my side for the whole night without turning around. Well, this habit has to be traced back to ten over years ago when my mom told me that sleeping in that position promotes smooth respiration. It will also not cause much disturbance if anyone is sleeping beside me because I will not move around while sleeping. It also helps to maintain a good posture of the spine. I am not sure where my mom get all this knowledge from but I trust she will never go wrong.

Blood Donation

2008-04-25T23:57:00.002+08:00

When my mom saw me with that bandage on my hand just now, she asked me why do I like to do weird stuffs like this. Abnormal psychology/ behaviour? I guess it is just that my actions do not fall under what she perceived as norm. I am not sure since when had I become addicted to blood donation. Whenever I see blood donation drive going on, I will have the urge to contribute as much as blood as I can. Though witnessing the thick metal tube being "poked" into my skin seems scary, it kind of became a norm to me. I was also surprised with the amount of contribution I had made when the lady at the registration made this comment. "Wow, you donated so many times already."

Rain

2008-04-24T23:02:00.002+08:00

As I ran in the rain today, I felt a different kind of sensation from my normal run. I could not describe the feeling in me as the rain poured on me. Was it a massage? I am not sure. I felt myself being united with nature. Though I was drenched totally and had to wear my soggy shoe everywhere I go, I did not regret running in the rain. I am going to draw out the scenery I saw down. But soaking my legs in a wet shoe does have negative effect on me; heavy head.

Faith

2008-04-23T22:56:00.002+08:00

Something that cannot be seen but can be felt. I know that no matter how much I were to explain, it is almost impossible to show how much faith I have using words. Just like love, I have to feel it with my heart before I know how much I mean to God. And I guess I have to make sure my heart is soften to accept it first. Anyway, I seemed to be rather emotional for the past few days. However, I do not label myself as sad. I think it should be having more feelings than normal. I guess emotional is better than emotionless.

Speechless

2008-04-22T23:44:00.001+08:00

I have nothing to say now. I am still trying my best.

Reminiscence

2008-04-21T21:01:00.003+08:00

It has been years. I was not emotional today. Just having flashbacks about what had happened years ago. Everything caught me so unprepared. I just kind of wanted to know what had happened over the years. I was only talking about it in the morning if the name Elisha got to do with Ilysa as it only came to my attention this morning. And soon during lunch time, I had to face someone whom I did not really want to see. Anyway, I am sure of my feelings. I hope to see things getting better and I am trying my best. HY is still crying. I almost at my wits end.

Alone

2008-04-20T16:13:00.002+08:00

What happens when the majority rejects what you are doing? The hurt I am feeling is not because of rejection. It is more the people whom I thought would be with me have left me. I wanted to delete the last sentence off but I did not. Someone is crying over the phone right now. He is asking me why the other person is ignoring him. He said "I keep saying I can let go but I just cannot do it." " If I can, do you think I would be so stupid not to?" I have seldom see him cry that much but I guess he must be real hurt. I wish I can do something for him.

Wisdom

2008-04-19T23:56:00.003+08:00

I really lack in it. Today I realised it is something I am really lacking. It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way. I feel like having a large chunk of unsorted things. I need that wisdom to sort out the things I have. There are some things I really do not understand.

Nature

2008-04-18T22:00:00.003+08:00

I was sitting in the garden today for more than half an hour just now. During that period of time, I was looking at the fishes in the pond while baking myself under the sun. Plants were all around me. It was soothing moment to be alone with the fishes swimming around. It was not long before Jo came and started feeding the fishes. It was wonderful and I enjoyed that alot. Nature is really a wonderful creation by God. As I immersed myself in it, I remembered the aspiration I had of being a botanist back in those days. Anyway, that is history and I really enjoy being an OT now.

Your encouragement

2008-04-17T23:41:00.004+08:00

I fell asleep in the bus again. It went straight into the bus bay as I was still asleep and the driver did not wake up me. So embarrassing I would say. Afternoon, I saw my sb. Long story. Hurt. Teardrops on my guitar. Not wrong if you said I cried literally. It is a long but fruitful day. Though we ended up with only four person, but I believe it will multiply. You can do it!

Life Made Simple

2008-04-16T21:16:00.002+08:00

sap maan mung yi lui yau nei yat hei chong yap chuen soh geiyue nei waan sau sing hoi jung taam him yuen fei

yeuk man wei hoh oi seung nei tui hoi gwaan jeuk dik sam feinei yi oi jeung chin gwoh seung tau sam gau hei

jam mor tin tin gin taai yeung dung fong sing jip jeuk jik yeung

ye yue baak tin fan hoi hui sai seung

jam yat tin joi maan cheung sam jung jung yau neijoi cheung

nim gwa nui jau chi si wai yat dik king heung

jeuk nei yue joi mei mung ngoh seung

Sunshine and love be with you

In rainy days, I shall be with you

Love is no fool

Dreams come true

man man oi wooi yau doh foot yuen loi jeung na pin tin go hoi foot

Love is no fool

Dreams come true

I'd always be with you

Morning

2008-04-15T09:23:00.003+08:00

I woke up with a troubled heart, hurt and pinch of sadness. I did not want to wake up and just wanted to return to that dream of mine. As I was waiting for the bus, I saw a kitten of palm size stopped in front of a bus tyre and started looking around. I tried running towards to the bus but I failed. I could not believe my eyes when the kitten was rolled over by the bus with a sound of squashing an orange. The kitten then just lied on the road with its intestines on its abdomen. The feeling I had became worse as I witnessed the death of these kitten which is perhaps a few days old. Even now, I just feel like crying but I am confused at the same time. I do not know if it is my initial feeling or the kitten that is contributing to my emotion now. However, I only know that the feeling was heart-stricken at the very moment the kitten died and I felt so helpless. I just could not save it. Sorry kitten. It had been a long time since I am in such low spirit and needed to be alone. But, really thank God for today. How could I appreciate happiness and your love fully if I did not experience sadness?

Death Note

2008-04-14T20:06:00.002+08:00

I watched both parts on two consecutive Sundays. It is a great show I would say. However, I was thinking what if Death Note really exist in this world? What went through my mind was not about me possessing the Note but rather what if I realised my name is on it. How would I spend the rest of my time and who I would spend it with? But I guess I would do what Misa Amane did for Light if I were to be involved in the fantasy.

Random

2008-04-13T10:19:00.002+08:00

A new semester will be starting officially as from tomorrow. Mixed feelings? I do not think so. Just pray that my lumbar does not pose as an obstacle to transfer/ mobility. Anyway, a person came to salvation the day before. I know it will be more work for me but what is happier than being able to serve?

Dream

2008-04-12T02:11:00.004+08:00

I have been dreaming quite often recently. However, it is almost the same most of the time. In reality, I like to dream as well. I guess that might constitute to the frequency of my dream. I used to dream about all kinds of things. Anyway, I kind of like the dreams I am having recently. I did not expect it to follow me back from Malaysia. "Dreams make Man great". I shall continue to dream then I guess...

Nick Vujicic, No Arms, No Legs, No Worries! Part 3

2008-04-11T01:50:00.000+08:00

Nick Vujicic, No Arms, No Legs, No Worries! Part 2

2008-04-10T01:38:00.000+08:00

Nick Vujicic, No Arms, No Legs, No Worries! Part 1

2008-04-09T01:30:00.000+08:00

Malaysia

2008-04-08T00:50:00.001+08:00

During this period of time, I experienced the secret of nature and more importantly, some truth in life. I really prayed that I will show it through my life and not words. When I was back in nature, I was constantly looking for something; my heart. The innocent heart that we once possessed and longed for. It is the heart that we use to love and care. Love is indeed the most powerful source of motivation in many things we do. Is that why it is the first fruit mentioned? I shall find out. I guessed there will be more challenges that await me as I enter into the next semester. Nevertheless, I would prefer letting things unfold then to prevent it now.

Last post

2008-02-27T23:34:00.002+08:00

Of the same mentality

2008-02-26T04:42:00.002+08:00

In my opinion, it was a great place to catch up with friends. I felt guilty of not changing topic as the conversation revolved only around a specific issue. Nevertheless, it was an interesting discussion which I always get to increase my awareness in some areas. It is never easy to maintain a decade friendship. Not only it requires a lot of understanding, acceptance of each other' weaknesses is needed as well in order to keep the relationship going. Perhaps due to the number of years being together, I find myself evidently closer to them in a lot of areas. And I do not deny the fact that we might be closer due to the same mentality that we all share since young.

Teardrops on my guitar

2008-02-25T06:30:00.003+08:00

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see

That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be

I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about

And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's just so funny

That I can't even see anyone when he's with me

He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,

I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar

The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star

He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?

And there he goes, so perfectly,

The kind of flawless I wish I could be

She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love

Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light

I'll put his picture down and maybe

Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar

The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart

He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

He's the time taken up, but there's never enough

And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see

Motive or action

2008-02-24T23:05:00.002+08:00

I must admit that there are some fundamental in this world that I have doubts about. Or perhaps, doubts is an overstatement. As I look at some issues from another perspective, I began to see a different set of values that might live in coherent with the current practice. I have been wondering if motive or action matters more. Though both originated from the same source and should co-exhibit, I felt that motive is more important. I thought that it is easier to analyse an action of a person than to evaluate the motive of the person's heart.

Ten years and not ten months

2008-02-23T04:54:00.003+08:00

As usual, I am at his house again. While the four of us were at the dinner earlier on, I realised how much we had grown. We could no longer run around and behave in a crazy manner like what we used to do. Instead, we have to learn to conform to the etiquettes that is required of us in the society. And I realised myself engaging in such functions lately. Sometimes, it is a bliss to be in that stage of life as we do not have to really care how we present ourselves in front of the others. Should conformity be dead? I do not really know. I reminded of our tenth year and he was telling me that he will definitely know me better as ten years is not a short period of time. I agreed with the fact that it is ten years and not ten months. How many ten years do I really have. I guess the highlight of the day is the 'crash' where I was drenched along an expressway. I appreciate and treasure the type of understanding and telepathy that we all shared.

Finishing line

2008-02-22T14:37:00.005+08:00

I really pray that yesterday marked the end of the year. As I was looking back, many things happened. Nevertheless, I am still thankful that I am in Your plan. Right now, I guess it is time to plan a strategy on how I am going to play the next game better and scored a point for myself. Somehow, I was quite perturbed by some things that had happened. Though it is a 'was' now, I still feel that there is always a better way of doing certain things. Once again, I missed my bed and the kind of feeling whenever I am lazing around in the house. Anyway, I did not forget about You. I am thinking how how to spend more time with You before the game starts again.

Sick role

2008-02-21T23:12:00.004+08:00

Finally, everything had ended. That one hour was alright as for once, I could understand what I was staring at. During this period of time, I had seen and realised quite a lot. I really appreciate the 'gentle reminder' every morning. If not, the amount of information I managed to squeeze in is definitely less than fifty percent. Thank you. Swimming has not been on my mind for many years. However, the thought of throwing myself back into the water came back today. I need to make a decision soon. Can You give me some advice? Anyway, I had a gut feeling I will be assuming the sick role soon. Everything has been building up in me and I think it is time to out lash everything soon.

A finisher and not quitter

2008-02-20T20:49:00.003+08:00

Everything turned out just as I expected. I must admit I am suffering from a major headache working with a bad child, immature adult and unreasonable elderly. It was a little more encouraging but the feeling did not really fade with the encouragement. Right now, I am wondering why the blue book is not in my hand. In fact, it is kind of six feet under my piles of papers and books. I need to motivate myself to start soon. I want to finish the race and not quitting it before even trying. I know my mama has been caring for me and not saying it out. A bottle of chicken essence is always beside my head when I open my eyes. Definitely, there are much more events that touched me but I am implanting it in my heart. I can only say action do speaks louder than words.

Divine intervention

2008-02-19T18:27:00.003+08:00

If I were to go to the toilet just now, I will never forgive myself for it. Though the thoughts sounded so appealing to me, I guess my deeply rooted principles had overcome them. It was no different from the day before. The call to let go is rattling in my head but I will just go on. Doing my best is very important now. Failure is not an issue anymore. I am contented not because of the 'hot soup' I am drowning in now but rather, the lesson I have learnt from this experience. A quote from CJ7; we can be poor or be a failure in some areas, but dignity and integrity is something we must have. Character and not results should be the quality we should look out for. The journey is getting more and more hectic now. I need divine intervention.

Playing the game well

2008-02-18T13:55:00.001+08:00

It all seemed so foreign to me. I totally had no idea what they are talking about. Due to the lack of sleep, my head starts to hurt again. I doubt this will end soon. I really do not know how to get pass this stage and move on. I guess I am prepared for the worst. This is not pessimism but rather accepting the truth. If Your grace were to fall on me, I would really want to play the game well the next time round. Help me please.

Eternal Ink - Pastor Craig F. Pitts of Chatham, Ontario, Canada

2008-02-17T22:55:00.008+08:00

I dreamed I was in heaven, where an angel kept God's book.
He was writing so intently, I just had to take a look.
It was not at first his writing, that made me stop and think,
but the fluid in the bottle, that was marked eternal ink.

This ink was most amazing, dark black upon his blotter,
but as it touched the parchment, It became as clear as water.
The angel kept on writing, but as quickly as a wink,
the words were disappearing with that strange eternal ink.

The angel took no notice, but kept writing on and on,
he turned each page and filled it, till all its space was gone.
I thought he wrote to no avail, his efforts were so vain,
for he wrote a thousand pages, that he'd never read again.
And as I watched and wondered that this awesome sight was mine,
I actually saw a word stay black as it dried upon the line.

The angel wrote and I thought I saw a look of satisfaction,
At last he had some print to show for all his earnest action.
A line or two dried dark and stayed as black as black can be,
but strangely the next paragraph became invisible to see.

The book was getting fuller, the angel's records true,
but most of it was blank, with just a few words coming through.
I knew there was some reason, but as hard as I could think,
I couldn't grasp the significance of that eternal ink.

The mystery burned within me, and I finally dared to ask,
the angel to explain to me of his amazing task.
And what I heard was frightful, as the angel turned his head,
he looked directly at me, and this is what he said...

I know you stand and wonder at what my writing's worth,
but God has told me to record the lives of those on earth.
The book that I am filling is an accurate account,
of every word and action and to what they do amount.

And since you have been watching, I must tell you what is true,
the details of my journal, are the strict accounts of YOU.
The Lord asked me to watch you as each day you worked and played,
I saw you as you went to church, I saw you as you prayed.

But I was told to document your life through all the week,
I wrote when you were proud and bold, I wrote when you were meek.
I recorded all your attitudes, whether they were good or bad,
I was sorry that I had to write, the things that make God sad.

So now I'll tell the wonder of this eternal ink,
for the reason for its mystery, should make you stop and think.
This ink that God created to help me keep my journal,
will only keep a record of things that are eternal.

So much of life is wasted, on things that matter not,
so instead of my erasing, smudging ink and ugly blot,
I just keep writing faithfully and let the ink do all the rest,
for it is able to decide, what's useless and what's best.

And God ordained, that as I write of all you do and say,
your deeds that count for nothing will just disappear away.
When books are opened someday, as sure as heaven is true,
The Lord's eternal ink will tell what mattered most to you.

If you just lived to please yourself, the pages will be bare,
and God will issue no reward for you, when you get there.
In fact, you'll be embarrassed, you will hang your head in shame,
because you did not give yourself, In love to Jesus' Name.

Yet, maybe there will be a few recorded lines that stayed,
that showed the times you truly cared, sincerely loved, and prayed.
But you will always wonder as you enter heaven's door,
how much more glad you would have been If only you'd done more.

For I record as God sees, I don't stop to even think,
because the truth is written with God's eternal ink.
When I heard the angel's story, I fell down and wept and cried,
for as yet I still was dreaming, I hadn't really died.

And I said: O angel, tell the Lord that soon as I awake,
I'll live my life for Jesus, I'll do all for His dear sake.
I'll give in full surrender, I'll do all He wants me to,
I'll turn my back on self and sin and whatever isn't true.

And though the way seems long and rough, I promise to endure,
I'm determined to pursue the things that are holy, clean and pure.
With Jesus as my helper, I will win lost souls to Thee,
for I know that they will live with Christ for all eternity.

And that's what really matters when my life on earth is gone,
that I will stand before the Lord, and hear Him say, well done.
For is it really worth it? as my life lies at the brink?
and I realize that God keeps books with His eternal ink.

Should all my life be focused on things that turn to dust?
from this point on, I'll serve the Lord, I can, I will, I must!
I will NOT send blank pages up to God's majestic throne,
for where that record is going now is my eternal home.

I'm giving all to Jesus, I now have seen the link,
for I saw an angel write my life, with God's eternal ink.

In Malachi 3:16 (NIV) the Bible declares, "Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name."

Next level

2008-02-16T01:00:00.005+08:00

Someone congratulated me just awhile ago. It seems like passing my PSLE and now moving on to the secondary level. I guess it is the next lap I guess. As a quote from you, 'it will be a next level and you should feel the privilege to take the examination'. You have the trust in me that is why I have to go through this. Well, I see things from a different perspective now. Anyway, a humble person will never say he or she is humble. A serving heart is important so as not to overstep boundaries and try to take things in own hands. There are really much more things that we need to do. I guess we are still not doing enough.

Fear

2008-02-15T23:00:00.002+08:00

Something that rings in me for at least twice since the night before. The fear for someone. It is not due to the fact that the person might take away something from my life. Besides, it was kind of amazing that I could see how things work out. You look upon me and gave me something. Anyway, I realised who might be the one but I guess it is really something not in my mind right now. Humility and humbleness can really see a person's character is at times.

Falling off

2008-02-14T17:27:00.004+08:00

I was having a conversation with someone near my house earlier on. I was telling the person that the pain the person is feeling at that point in time is so insignificant to the pain You are feeling. You are so cute in some ways too. You will never break up with people and only people will break up with You. So the amount of pain You are feeling everyday is unimaginable. I listed down ten qualities together with the person but in my mind, I was thinking that listing is easy but abiding to it is difficult. It is always easier said than done. On one hand I am advising and convincing people to let go, on the other, I am not letting some things go. I do not think I should say things when I am unable to do it. I am just holding on to a faint chance that I can get back the 'thing' I lost. I also realised one thing. When I feel that I falling away, the more I will not fall as I will make an effort to get myself on the right track. I do not really feel it now but I somehow know it. That is worse because I am not making any effort anymore. I do not really know what affected me. I am still trying to find out. Sorry if I were to break Your heart on Valentine's Day.

Punctuality

2008-02-13T17:43:00.003+08:00

There I am sitting at the same old place. Somehow, I just feel that it is not going to end early. In addition to that, I am also wondering how many would be early or perhaps, on time. She asked me why am I going for it again. If I were to tell you it is because I believe in Him, would you believe? Anyway, I think examinations kind of hate me quite a big deal. Emotional disturbance of such tends to happen and cause the inhibition towards studying. Nevertheless, talking to You really helps. Although the feeling might still be lingering around, at least I feel better with You around. Knowledge can explain a lot of things but there are some things that only wisdom can enlighten. I really need to grow more.

"I still miss my sushi"

2008-02-12T01:28:00.000+08:00

In Japanese cuisine, sushi (寿司, 鮨, 鮓, sushi) is vinegared rice, usually topped with other ingredients including fish (cooked or uncooked) and vegetables. Outside of Japan, sushi is sometimes misunderstood to mean the raw fish by itself, or even any fresh raw-seafood dishes. In Japan, sliced raw fish alone is called sashimi and is distinct from sushi, as sashimi is the raw fish component, not the rice component.
There are various types of sushi: sushi served rolled inside nori (dried and pressed layer sheets of seaweed or alga) called makizushi (巻き) or rolls; sushi made with toppings laid with hand-formed clumps of rice called nigirizushi (にぎり); toppings stuffed into a small pouch of fried tofu called inarizushi; and toppings served scattered over a bowl of sushi rice called chirashi-zushi (ちらし).

Occupation is the way of living

2008-02-11T01:05:00.000+08:00

Interaction is inevitable during festive seasons like Chinese New Year. However, I was shocked by the number of people who actually know what my profession is all about even before I tried to explain. I must say I am proud to be what I am in now as it is deemed as a noble profession. It seems like the status and recognition of the profession is rising at an unexpected rate. However to some extend, some are still thinking negatively of it as to why people are spending two more years extra in college just to enroll in the course. Perhaps I would explain in the past but now, I would just smile back at them. Though I know the reason for everything, it seemed so pointless for me to explain every now and then to change others' perspective. All I know is I am in love in the profession.

We meet again

2008-02-10T03:40:00.000+08:00

I like to eat prawns and can peel prawns well. But I would prefer my future one to be able to peel for me as I would feel loved from this little action. I guess it is not something that is too much. Anyway, the fantastic four had a celebration for a very belated birthday. CJ7 was definitely a nice one to start off the celebration. However, despite being trained as a scout, someone never fail to lose his way. Smuggling of Macdonald's remained as the closeness increased. Having to spray Gatsby hardening hair spray over axilla is something no one would want to try. And not forgetting the hardening of the shirt as well. The back passengers never fail to generate those kinds of laughter through the translation of songs. All ended with a guitar as a surprise birthday present. Friendship that never fades. It is not the gift that touches the heart but the action and effort that do the job.

Music therapy

2008-02-09T09:18:00.000+08:00

I was just playing my guitar aimlessly on my bed. Yesterday, I got an additional red packet. It surprised me and at the same time, I was thinking of the mode of delivery. Anyway, perhaps I am too tired or paranoid; somehow I think it will just stay with me. You are with me, I know that. There are a lot of things that are being left unspoken. It is not a matter of being open but rather, it is to prevent any outburst of emotions. I realised I am really unusually emotional and I really need to change. I am perfectly fine and happy. Just some thoughts when I indulge myself in music during reflection.

Wake up call

2008-02-08T11:33:00.000+08:00

Realised that I have been shaky for the past few days. I guess it is time I should wake up now. I should not throw myself into self-denial or something. Thank You for reminding me. Though I might be still having such weird feeling that even I myself can not explain what it is exactly, I shall not be too affected by it. The last lap for the marathon is going to start soon. I really pray that You can wake me up everyday just like today and to finish this journey with You. By the way, I really hope you can control your anger and hold on. I will strive to spend more time with you once this period is over. I still care for you.

Luck

2008-02-07T23:21:00.000+08:00

No matter what game I play, I will just lose. It has been an extremely weird start for me. Lady luck is just not by my side. Unlike in the past, I do not really have the courage to even host a game that day. I played on in order not to disrupt the atmosphere and at the same time, I can just expect the outcome of the game. My luck has been much better than others in the past but somehow, it is even worst than below average. It has reached the bottom I guess. Or in the first place, am I supposed to believe in luck or You?

Treat

2008-02-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

I thought I just wanted to do something that I wanted to do. I do not know why I did not go (or perhaps, I actually know the reason). I helped quite a number to save 20%. If not, I guess it will be a major pre-New Year discount sale. It was the first time watching a movie before new year. I really enjoyed myself and not having a feeling of doing something that is not productive. I do treat people but when it comes to the person that I have something for, I would want to pay for the person. I guess for me, paying for and treating has two different meaning in my dictionary.

Fainted not Faintish

2008-02-05T10:47:00.000+08:00

It has been a long sleep. Even I myself could not remember when the last time I slept for so long is . Last night, everything became so blurred and I just fell unconscious. Anyway, I guess tonight will be a night where everyone will not be sleeping again. It is such a hectic report. I do not know why but got a feeling I am drifting off from someone.

Raging anger

2008-02-04T00:41:00.000+08:00

I wondered what is wrong with me the whole day. I flared everywhere with almost every one I saw or communicated with. My most sincere apologies go to all whom tolerated with me. I hope it does not have any adverse effect on anyone. Guilt and shame built up in me as I realised where my immaturity had led me to. Something that You would never want. Sorry. I should not let anything affect my walk with You. But seriously, I have lots to catch up and I just want to do my best for now. Thanks for making sure there is always someone out there who will try his or her best to understand and listen to me. I really appreciate that. I guess it is reflection time for me now before seeing You. Night.

Burden for them

2008-02-03T02:06:00.000+08:00

I believe that I should not be making decision for them as it is their life and their choice. I can advise but ultimately, I should not give them a feeling that I am forcing them to do something. You may think it is for their own good or thinking from their point of view, but what made you so sure that the decision you had made is the best for them? Between people-orientated and task-orientated, I would choose people. I totally agree that the type of community we are in requires us to control the level of autonomy. However, my stand is still the same, I want people to find joy in the things they do and the rest are secondary. No point being the best through dictatorship. Sorry does not work without action. I have a prophesy of warning; something worst is going to surface soon.

Grace

2008-02-02T00:38:00.000+08:00

I searched my bag for the speaker only to realise I had lent it to someone few days back. Though the person volunteered to rush down and pass the speaker to me, the distance the person needs to travel is too far to reach me in time. I went in with a heavy heart not knowing what to do. Groans that could not be explained came out every now and then. The location for the presentation was changed on that day and as I went in, I realised that there was build-in speakers. Words could not express my thanks at that point in time. Build-in speakers are definitely much better than portable speakers. Though hiccups occurred in the presentation, the grading was something that set my heart to peace. Sometimes, I feel that the things I receive is much more that what I had given initially.

Failure

2008-02-01T02:03:00.000+08:00

I believe that a true or worst failure is when one starts to give up. As the saying goes, failure is the road to success. He will never give us anything that we are unable to do. The key to the door is to persevere through the journey. I guess one day, I hope I will be able to see the greatness in all my endeavours. I wondered why my eyelids are not listening to me anymore and I could sense that the thing I am entering now is something that belongs to the subconscious mind. I just pray that everything will be nicely done according to the plan and I can get through this period.

Helpful beings

2008-01-31T23:52:00.000+08:00

It was great I guess. Although I was much drained, we both had a sense of achievement as compared to the previous. Everything might be hectic but I believe all of us had fun. Anyway, I felt the reality of world where people are constantly making use of each other. However, I found some who are open and willing to share what they have. As I was searching for things that I needed, they began to help me and provide me with information. With the deviant, I would most probably not know what is normal. Without the self-centered people, I guess I might not be able to appreciate those who have a sharing heart.

Interesting phenomenon

2008-01-30T23:39:00.000+08:00

As I was observing today, I saw a male and female child holding hands. They claimed they are going to marry each other and that they have to sit with each other. The young boy even crossed his hand over the girl's shoulder. I was dumbfounded upon seeing it. They looked so sweet and cute together and it will make someone look so cruel to break the 'couple' up. I kind of envy how children think. They are always open about their feelings. I wondered if that is the reason why they are always feeling happy.

Tired

2008-01-29T23:35:00.000+08:00

Sitting along the corridor at nine in the evening. I was wondering why am I still in school preparing for the event when my diary for the next day is not done. And when my headache joined in the fun, everything seemed to be so 'perfect'. No doubt it is tiring, I really get to know them better throughout this period. We had built a better rapport with each other through the hardships and I believe it is an event we will not forget. There is a lot of time I just felt that there are really some things that I can never find in the textbook. And life is not just about studying but rather living it to the fullest. Just hope everything goes well the next day. Holding on to You...

Breakthrough - Prosperity Meal

2008-01-28T00:46:00.000+08:00

Of all these years, I guess this is the first time I actually had a meal outside without someone I know together with me. Normally, I would choose not to eat if I am alone. I do not know why but I just feel awkward eating alone. Home is a place where I can not cook at night, no food or sweet stuffs after around 8. Our habit is that everyone should have dinner together unless dinning outside. Travelling takes about two hours so most of the time, I might just wait till breakfast the next day. However, I do not know what happened to me earlier on as I decided to sit down alone and have a meal. It is so not me.

Character

2008-01-27T00:02:00.000+08:00

Above reproach. Faithful. Temperate. Self-controlled. Respectable. Hospitable. Not given to drunkenness. Not violent but gentle. Not quarrelsome. Not a lover of money. Manage his own family well. Not conceited but humble. Good reputation with outsiders. Able to teach. Thirteen character and one skill. It is not about the achievements or talents one have. It is more about the temperament and personality that make up an upright person. "The real measure of wealth is how much you'd be worth when you lost all your money" - Bernard Meltzer

Weird thoughts

2008-01-26T00:17:00.000+08:00

I do not really think it is weird thoughts. Thomas Edison was labeled as a weird person but he became a well-known scientist. Perhaps it is the so called 'weird people' who will do something great in life. How would people in Benjamin Franklin's era label him when he decided to fly a kite in a thunderous weather? People see them as weird when they are able to think out of the box. A genius is always being treated as an idiot before he made a great discovery. Anyway, it is not really about the thoughts that matters but rather the amount of respect one is showing to the thoughts. I believe respect should be given even to the most unrespectable person. If not, one is no difference or even worse than the most unrespectable person.

Inspired

2008-01-25T11:28:00.000+08:00

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it too, seemed immovable. As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas they would have none of it. And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realise; if I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would have been able to better my country and who knows, I may have even changed the world.

Ref: tomb of Anglican Bishop (1100AD) in the crypt of Westminster Abbey, London.